Sock it to me

There are things the boyfriend candidate does which thrill me, but those are no fun to talk about. Who really wants to hear me go on about his sparkling blue eyes or quick wit? Don’t you want to hear about the athletic socks with andals?

I’ve joked my whole life – most of us have – about the old man socks and sandals thing. But seriously, is it something that happens when a guy turns 40 or 50? Does he lose the ability to see how ridiculous it is? Maybe he thinks he is the exception and he really can pull off that look.

And I don’t give a crap about comfort. I’m a woman and I live the mantra, suffer for beauty. Men should do us all a favor and learn it too. If the sandals chaff or your little toes hang out, you bought the wrong the sandal. Or maybe your feet aren’t made for sandals. Get over it. Sacrifice the sandals before you sacrifice your dignity.

Oh God, I just realized it could be an old toe thing. Yuck. If you don’t pedicure, you shouldn’t wear sandals. Period. If the feet are cracked, ashen with calluses, the toenails chipped, the fungus growing over the edges, you shouldn’t be wearing sandals at all. You should be in a doctor’s office getting some help. Which kind of doctor is up to you. Socks are not your pass to wearing shoes your personal hygiene habits have not entitled you to.

Maybe as a teen or a young twenty-something you can get away with it. I guess I could see a 16 year old with baggie shorts and t-shirt pulling off the look, but for an older guy, it is not only ludicrous, it’s aging. My guy is a good looking, energetic, fit, hunk. But he does the sock/sandal combo and he becomes the neighborhood grumpy grandpa. He is aged easily ten years or more. It’s hard to believe he’s not retired.

And it’s hard to believe I would be seen in public with him. Which is why on those days, we do happy hour at home.