Why date?

Why do I date is the real question. I've been dating now a year, post divorce. I've been out with about four different guys. I started out by falling back on old paradigms. I need a man who will 1) be a good provider, 2) not create turmoil and insecurity at home, 3) will respect me, 4) will create a beautiful life and family, 5) will be a good father, and 6) want a physically and emotionally intimate relationship with me forever and ever.

I don't think though that at 46 years old, with children, with a home and a life and habits that I have nurtured for decades for better or worse, that I need any of those things from a man.

A good provider? What do I care? I make may own money. The kids' father pays his support. This should be revised to something like, I need a man who is financially responsible for himself and respect the fact that I do the same. That makes sense.

Not creating turmoil? Beyond turmoil in my life, I'm not sure I even want a man in my home. My home feels like my family's space and I can't imagine trying to blend someone else into it. I'm not sure I could co-habitate any more. I'm not sure I'm in a frame of mind to compromise.

Respect me? Well, what do I care really? Is it possible to be a great guy and have a great time, but he really doesn't respect my opinion on some or even most things? Yes, it's possible and I could live with that, or a block away from that, see above.

Create a beautiful life? I've already done that and it's too late to make a new life now that I've lived half of this one.

Be a good father? Not necessary. My dates are for me, not my kids.

Want a physically and emotionally intimate relationship with me? Now we get to the good stuff. Yes, this is the timeless criteria. I don't care if the guy is good with kids, bad with money, stinks at housekeeping, respects not my mind - if he can adore me, treat me as a valued thing, and have great sex, often, he's the guy for me. I don't think my standards have dropped (as my mother kept asserting over Thanksgiving) I think my standards caught up with who and what I am. Middle aged, accomplished, uncompromising and sexual. I don't need that long list of requirements any more. I don't need to waste my time looking for things that no longer fit.